


I didnt realize that you've been here

by BurnInFlames



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bipolar Ian, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, I never know how to tag these things anymore, Insecure Mickey, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 05:37:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8566057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnInFlames/pseuds/BurnInFlames
Summary: Ian and Mickey have been best friends for their whole lives who now live their own apartment. After a comment made by Mandy to Mickey over his closeness to Ian it makes Mickey think about his friendship with Ian. Out of that he realizes that he and Ian act like boyfriends and constantly touch each other when they are alone or in public.  But Mickey doesn't know if they are or they aren't boyfriends and he cant lie to himself anymore over his feelings towards Ian.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone that read the note at the end of my last fic will know what I said and thankfully I got out of that horrible mood I was in. So I decided to completely my idea and write this story. It will be 2 chapters, maybe three if I can think of something. I have this horrible feeling that after episode 10/11 there will no fics anymore because the show will destroy Mickey and Ian permanently.

Mickey woke up lying on his back in Ian's bed rubbing his eyes with his fingers letting his eyes slowly adjust to brightness of the room as the sun shone in through the curtains of their small apartment. Mickey shifted a little in the bed as Ian rested his arm over his stomach and threw his leg in between Mickey's leg pulling himself closer in his sleep letting out a small sigh of contentment and burying his face in Mickey's neck.

Mickey felt Ian's breath on his skin as he looked at Ian while softly pushing back some of the red hair that fell over Ian's face with his hand. As he looked at Ian he just felt the thoughts race through his mind and wished things could be different as he imagined what it would be like if he was more than just best friends with Ian. Mickey is pretty sure he loves Ian or is in love with him and sometimes he cant believe he's in love with his best friend that he has known for his whole twenty one years on this planet.

He also cant believe Ian is totally oblivious to the whole thing too since they have always been best friends and Mickey has never hid his feelings from Ian. But of course Ian being the oblivious idiot never noticed that Mickey liked him more than just a friend. They were childhood friends that quickly became best friends after Ian met him through Mandy and now they lived in their own apartment for the last two years near the northside after moving away from Southisde when Mickey was nineteen and Ian was eighteen.

They moved there after Terry got himself killed in jail and Ian wanted to get away from his smothering family when he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. They both managed to get a job at the same gay bar and now worked at the same bar in the northside not far from their apartment. In the early days of their friendship Mickey was surprised Ian wanted to be friends at all with him since everyone hated him and Ian was well liked by everyone but Ian seemed to only want to be around Mickey.

Mickey moved to lie on his side in the bed wrapping his arms around Ian wondering what it was about Ian that made him feel so safe and comfortable. Mickey hated people touching him due to the abuse from his father growing up but over time he made the exception for Ian as Ian was the only person he trusted to never hurt him intentionally. Mickey didnt mind Ian touching him at all when he hugged him or leaned against him as he felt safe and comfortable with Ian.

Ian also didnt mind when Mickey hugged him or leaned against him even though at first he noticed that Mickey was uncomfortable with someone touching him so he stopped doing it. It was only when they moved into their apartment together and were alone that one day Mickey sat next to him on the sofa and rested his head on his shoulder as they watched a movie.

Eventually they become closer and more physical in that they now put their arms over each others shoulder or leaned against each other when they were in the bar on their nights off. From there their friendship developed into that they now shared the same bed or fell asleep on the sofa wrapped up in each others arms when they were too tired or lazy to move after watching late night movies.

Mickey didnt know when he fell in love with Ian but he didnt care because he just knew he didnt want anyone else and he didnt know if Ian felt the same way. He didnt even notice how much he and Ian acted like they were boyfriends until Mandy commented on it and let it slip one night at the bar when she was drunk that Ian never shuts up about him that he wonders if there is more to their friendship. Mickey loved everything about Ian because he's attractive, smart, funny and dorky and he feels embarrassed about how much he likes Ian.

Mickey also feels embarrassed that he could listen to Ian talk all day and that one text from Ian can change his mood instantly and make his day not that he would ever let Ian know that at all. The only problem was that Ian was introverted and reserved and Mickey knew there was no way Ian would ask if there was something more between them. The other problem was that Mickey was too afraid to say anything to Ian because he was afraid Ian would reject him and he would rather have their friendship as it is now over losing Ian out of his life for good. Mickey wondered if he and Ian were more than just friends but he didnt know to ask.

* * *

 

The weekend arrived too quickly and Mickey was working at bar when he saw Mandy sitting on one of the seats so grabbed a bottle of beer and walked over to her and put the bottle down in front of her asking "have you nothing better to do but come here every time I'm fucking working" humouredly. Mandy rolled her eyes grabbing the bottle replying "fuck you" before taking a drink from the bottle.

Mickey cleared away some empty glasses sitting on the bar top replying "so what are you doing down here anyway" curiously. Mandy scoffed "you and Ian never come fucking back anymore ever since you both left" firmly. Mickey felt so relived he got away from Southside but he wasnt going to apologize for getting away from a place he hated telling her "I fucking hate the place and Ian doesnt want to bump into his family so that's why we never go back there" firmly.

Mandy grunted nodding her head knowing he made a good point but it didnt mean she didnt feel left behind sometimes which was why she always came to the bar. In doing that she made a few friends too looking at him replying "yeah I'm meeting some friends in a while, so where is Ian, you two normally come in a package" before laughing. Mickey scoffed shaking his head replying "fuck you" knowing it was true anyway but he didnt care at all.

Mickey heard someone call him and looked over to see that bar got busy again replying "just wait there I'll be back in a minute" before he got back to work. Mandy didnt say anything so just slightly nodded her head as she picked up one of the beer mats beside her bottle and tore pieces off it with her fingers. She didnt have to wait long until Mickey stood in front of her breaking her out of her thoughts with "cant get five fucking minutes in this place" angrily.

Mandy rolled her eyes looking up at him replying "whatever I dont see you quitting anytime soon, you love it here with Ian" as she softly grinned at her brother. Mickey bit his lip to hide the small smile on his face and crossed his arms over his chest not even saying a word as he glared at his sister. Mandy moved a little in her seat looking around the room asking "so where is your boyfriend anyway" teasingly.

Mickey scoffed replying "he's not my fucking boyfriend I told you that already" firmly silently thinking that statement was true. Mandy wasnt believing it looking at him with scepticism replying "sure you arent, everyone in this place knows it, its only the two of you idiots that dont" lightly. Mickey groaned remembering the last conversation he had about this with her and the thoughts going around his head when woke up this morning engulfed in Ian in his bed.

Mickey didnt say of that replying "what the fuck ever" hoping she would let it drop. Mandy softly laughed biting down on her lip to hide the grin on her face knowing she was right even if her brother couldnt or didnt want to see it but seeing how uncomfortable he looked she decided to drop the conversation. She took another drink of her beer and looked at him asking "come on tell me" softly.

Mickey looked down at his feet tightening his arms where they were crossed over his chest slightly shaking his head replying "this cant get back to Fiona but uh his meds stopped working a few days ago" softly. Mandy froze looking at her brother muttering "shit he okay" curiously not expecting that at all. Mickey rubbed his face with his hand before blurting out "he was getting manic again so he went to the clinic and got his meds changed a few days ago but they are making him feel a bit sick but he's getting there, he's just getting used to them again" softly.

Mandy slightly shook her head satisfied with her answer replying "I just cant believe they stopped working and he went manic again" softly. Mickey looked up at her blurting out "yeah I know, I'm just glad it didnt end badly" softly. Mandy looked a bit confused asking "he knows though right, when the meds stop working" curiously. Mickey raised his eyebrows slightly shaking his head replying "yeah he does, the fact he was already on the meds he could feel the mania was coming which is why it wasnt so bad this time around, the meds take the edge off" firmly.

Mandy was happy with that answer looking up at him "you sound like you know a lot about it, I'm glad that he has you" softly. Mickey didnt tell her he felt like it wasnt enough sometimes so instead replied "yeah well he'd rather be around me than his own family when this happens because they smother him too much and he hates it, they dont seem to get he's not Monica" lightly.

Mandy took another drink of her beer before replying "Monica really fucked them up didn't she if all they see with Ian is Monica" firmly. Mickey scoffed not able to hide the disgust in his voice replying "they wont fucking listen, I tried to tell them and so did Ian but I think they are just scared" tiredly. Mandy grunted shaking her head in disbelief asking "get me another beer would you" lightly before she finished off the rest of the beer in her hand and put the empty bottle down on the bar top.

Mickey laughed feeling glad for the break in the seriousness of the conversation as he got another beer from the fridge behind him and opened it before putting it in front of Mandy. Mickey didn't want to tell his sister that he was scared too and had been ever since Ian was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was seventeen. He didn't tell her that it was because of Ian's family that they moved up here and Mickey just wanted to be with Ian and he didn't care where they were even if it wasn't in Southside.

He also didn't tell her he was so scared of losing Ian that he learned all he could about Ian's disorder from sitting in on Ian's therapy sessions and talking to his therapist in private so he could ask stupid questions without Ian in the room. He didn't tell her that by going in with Ian to those sessions gave him an insight as to what was going on in Ian's head and that it brought the two of them even closer as Mickey became Ian's support system.

Mickey was broken from his thoughts when he heard Mandy ask "so how long until you finish" curiously as she tore at another beer mat. Mickey saw it snapping "will you stop fucking trashing my bar you fucking animal" angrily as he grabbed at the torn pieces of the beer mat and threw them in the bin underneath the bar. Mandy froze before laughing "will you fucking chill" loudly. Mickey wasn't having it glaring at her "its me that has to fucking clean it" icily.

Mandy laughed again throwing the last few torn pieces at her brother just to annoy him muttering "isn't that your job" lightly. Mickey glared at her biting his lip hating that he couldn't hold back his laughter before he wiped off a piece of torn beer mat off his shoulder and out of his hair. They fell into a comfortable silence before Mickey answered the question she asked as he looked at the clock on the wall behind him replying "in about an hour" firmly.

When he turned back around he saw Mandy looking over at the door and he knew she was going to disappear and give him some peace and quiet for the rest of his shift. Mandy didn't look back at him blurting out "got to go" as she walked away from the bar. Mickey slightly laughed muttering "yeah fuck you too" before getting back to work.

* * *

 

Ian was lying on the sofa in their apartment with a blanket wrapped around him after eating some food to take with his night time meds as he watched a movie playing on TV but wasn't paying much attention to it at all. He pulled the blanket up over him a little more feeling warm and cosy wishing his friend would hurry up and come back home already because he was sick of doing nothing but overthink things all day until he decided to lay on the sofa for the day under a blanket using the TV as a distraction.

But it only worked for so long until he wished he never told Mickey to go to work and that he would be fine on his own for the day. And he was fine for a few hours until he started thinking about stuff like Monica, his family wanting to control his disorder for him which was why he didn't tell them his meds had stopped working. He knew if they found out they would be crowding around him making him feel suffocated because they were scared he was another Monica and would do something crazy.

It didn't matter that he told them he could manage his disorder on his own and he didn't need their help because they still didn't get that he was in control of his own disorder. He hated that Fiona was still occasionally hinting at him moving back home under the guise of it would be easier on him in terms of money because the meds were expensive. But Ian knew the lie in her words and that she wanted him back under her roof so she could keep an eye on him but Ian wasn't having it and told her he was staying here in his own apartment with his best friend.

He also knew she was just scared and that she cared about him but he was tired of trying to explain to her that his disorder didn't define him in any way at all. Ian knew over the last week or so that meds weren't doing their job and he could feel the mania creeping up into his brain as the days passed. He could feel that restless energy pulsing through his veins under the surface just looking for a way out, looking for a chink in his defence that were meds keeping the mania behind that medicated wall.

But that wall was weakening and cracks were appearing and he knew it was going to break soon. He could feel it when he was working at the bar with the loud crowd and louder music that made him feel too restless. It made him want more as he looked around the room with the flashing lights that seemed much brighter and vibrant making him feel euphoric and the energy flowing under the surface made him feel limitless and like he could do anything.

That was when he knew something was wrong and when he got home that night with Mickey he told him everything and asked him to go to the clinic with him the next day. The next day they did go to the clinic where he got his meds changed and now a few days later he just felt trapped in a haze as his body adjusted to the new medications. He really hated when the meds stopped working and it made him wonder if trying to remain stable was really worth it if he was going to be on medications with shitty side effects for the rest of his life.

When his disorder first made its appearance he was denial about it for months until he had an accident while manic which made him realize he needed help. He also knew Mickey played a big part in that acceptance too and he hated himself for making his friend go through his manic and depressive phases with him until he got the help he needed. If anything after that first year of his disorder he knew he could rely on his friend as it was Mickey that looked after him all the time and even though it was hard on both of them at first they just grew stronger and closer to each other as time passed.

It was why as he lay on their sofa in a medicated haze he realized the reason that he wanted to remain stable. He didnt want to put his friend through what Monica had put him and his family through for their whole lives and lastly he wanted to remain stable for himself even though it was hard at times. Ian tiredly groaned while rubbing his eyes with his fingers wishing how he felt right now would hurry up and pass because he just wanted to be normal again or as close to it as he could get with his disorder.

But he knew he never would be normal especially when a guy found out about his disorder and ran for the hills because they couldnt handle the crazy. The only one who hadnt run for the hills was Mickey and Ian knew the one person who just saw him and not the bipolar wasnt interested in him in that way. Ian hated that he liked his best friend more than just a friend but he would rather have him as just a friend than not have him at all in his life so he remained silent about his feelings.

Ian had enough of over thinking things so decided to go to bed since he felt too sleepy and tired as he sat up straight rubbing his eyes with his fingers. He stood up and walked over to the sink where he picked up an unwashed glass and filled it with water from the tap and drank it in one go before refilling it again realizing just how thirsty he was when he heard the door of the apartment open and close.

He knew it was Mickey so he turned around leaning against the sink mumbling "hey" softly. Mickey grinned at him as he walked over to the fridge and took out some left over food that was on a plate and heated it up in the oven replying "hey how's the med adjustment" lightly. Ian tightly smirked scoffing "fucking sucks" tiredly. As Mickey got his food ready a silence fell before Ian shrugged his shoulder adding "I know it will pass but I hate it" softly.

Mickey didn't say anything knowing there was nothing he could say replying "I know" softly. What Ian loved about Mickey was that he didn't pander to him or look at him or talk to him with pity written all over his face. He just let him feel how he needed to feel and he liked that because it made him feel as close to normal as he could get knowing he would never be normal.

Mickey took the food out of the oven and put it on the table before walking over and standing in front of Ian resting his hands on his hips looking at him asking "you okay" softly. Ian lightly mumbled "yeah just tired" softly. Mickey didn't say anything as he felt Ian hold his hand and lightly squeeze it whispering "I missed you" lowly. Mickey just about heard it moving closer to Ian mumbling "yeah me too" softly knowing he was telling the truth. Ian looked down at their intertwined hands softly smiling to himself before mumbling "think I'm going to go to bed" lowly.

Mickey almost rolled his eyes just about hearing it as he rested his other hand on the side of Ian's head lightly tugging at his hair asking "what's that mumbles" humouredly. Ian lightly scoffed looking up at him repeating a bit louder "going to go to bed" not adding I was just waiting up for you to come home because I missed you today. Mickey almost smiled as he looked at Ian replying "so go, just let me get some food first" firmly.

Ian lightly nodded and went to walk away when Mickey pulled him back and tightly hugged him wrapping his arms around his shoulders and resting his hand on the back of his neck burying his face in Ian's neck hating having to watch Ian go through all this every time the meds stop working. Ian just wrapped his arms around his back hugging him tightly and pressed himself right up against him holding onto his friend like a life line that he hoped he would never lose because Mickey made going through all of this so much easier.

Mickey knew how much Ian struggled with being bipolar and he just wanted to fix it but he knew he couldnt do a thing and he hated it and felt so powerless at times knowing that Ian was the only one who could get himself through it and all he could do was be there to support Ian. They fell into a comfortable silence before Ian stepped back and picked up the glass of water before he left the kitchen in silence and grabbed the blanket off the sofa and went into his bedroom.

Mickey watched Ian leave before rubbing his face with his hand feeling that anxiety pulse through him wishing the meds would hurry up and start working because he hated seeing Ian in so much turmoil. He knew Ian well enough to know that he was overthinking everything even though Ian would never say it out loud. Mickey ate his food and drank a glass of water before deciding he was sleeping with Ian tonight because there was no way he was leaving Ian alone any longer.

He really regretted not taking the evening off work but Ian said he would be fine and Mickey learned the hard way in the early days of Ian's disorder to give Ian space when he asked for space. But even though he respected what Ian wanted it didnt mean that he liked leaving Ian alone. Mickey decided he was too tired to stay up any longer and went into Ian's room and got undressed before getting into the bed.

As he settled in under the covers in the darkness he felt Ian wrap his arms him pulling himself right up against his friend mumbling "I missed you today" sleepily. Mickey wrapped his arms around Ian pulling him right up against him blurting out "yeah so did I" lightly kissing Ian on the forehead knowing he wasnt lying at that admission. As he drifted off to sleep he mumbled "I love you Ian" softly not even realizing he said it and that Ian heard his words.

Ian lay there silently freaking out when he heard Mickey say those words. At first thought he imagined it but he heard it clear as day and there was no hiding it anymore because Ian knew he loved his friend too and had for years. But he didnt know what to say as he lay there in the darkness overthinking everything while hating himself for missing it until he finally fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

A few days had passed since Mickey's admission and Ian hadn't worked up the nerve to confront his friend about what he had told him a few nights ago even though his meds had evened out and he got used to the new combination. But it was driving Ian crazy because he didn't know if Mickey only said it as a friend or did he mean it as something more than just friends.

He felt relieved that things hadn't been awkward between them since then and it made him wonder if Mickey even remembered saying those words to Ian as he fell asleep. He found himself reading more into Mickey's actions towards him than he used to do in the past and the more he thought about it the more he realized he may not have been the only one to have feelings for his friend.

He almost kicked himself when realized that if it was true that Mickey loved him he only had himself to blame for thinking Mickey would never look at him as more than a friend. He knew Mickey was very reserved about his feelings but he also knew that Mickey cared about him too. Ian really hated that he could never connect with another guy the same way he connected with Mickey.

He knew those other guys couldnt handle his disorder and treated him like it was Ian's own fault for being bipolar. But as Ian thought about he realized Mickey never gave a shit about his disorder. Mickey had been there for him since the very beginning when the first signs appeared, had helped him see that he needed help and was his strongest support system even thought Ian never even asked for any help at all.

Mickey was there for him all along and supported him just accepted Ian for who he was and never treated him any differently. Even when the meds stopped working Mickey would give him space, ask and give him what he needed, even lie in bed with him staring at ceiling in silence just so Ian wouldnt be alone. Ian knew he loved Mickey back but he never even dared entertain those feelings because he would rather have him as his best friend than not at all and resigned himself to thinking Mickey didnt feel the same way.

But after the other night Ian was starting to think that it wasnt just him that had feelings for his friend. He thought over some comments Mandy used to make to them when they were together or some of the regulars at the bar mistaking them for boyfriends because of the way they interacted. Ian never really read anything into the way he and Mickey hugged each other, leaned against each other, put their arms around each other, shared a bed together and hugged each other as they slept.

Ian realized they were practically boyfriends only without the kissing, the sex and in a relationship together and it nearly made him laugh at how he missed it at all. Ever since his diagnosis all he wanted was for someone to accept him and see past his disorder and realize he was more than his disorder. But he didnt realize that his friend was that one person until now and he mentally kicked himself not seeing it sooner but figured it was better late than never.

Ian just really loved how close he was with Mickey, he loved their physical interactions and he loved sharing his bed with someone that accepted him on every level even though they were just best friends. Ian was on his break at work and was sitting on the other side of the bar on of the seats drinking a glass of water wondering if he should say anything to Mickey.

As he watched his friend work behind the bar he realized he needed to know if Mickey felt the same way because he had a feeling that Mickey did feel the same way but stayed silent. Ian was broken from his thoughts when he felt Mandy lightly punch him on the shoulder hissing "can you at least pretend you're fucking listening to me" angrily. Ian blinked slightly shaking his head looking at Mandy replying "sorry, just distracted" knowing he wasn't lying.

Mandy scoffed rolling her eyes looking at her friend knowing why he was distracted blurting out "yeah I can tell" not hiding the sarcasm from her voice. Ian softly smirked getting the hint replying "just got things on my mind" softly. Mandy didn't hide her concern asking "you okay, thought the meds levelled out" curiously. Ian glanced over at Mickey behind the bar before looking at Mandy replying "they are" firmly.

They fell into a comfortable silence before Ian hesitantly asked "how do you know when a guy likes you" softly. Mandy wanted to laugh at his stupidity but seeing the shyness on Ian's face decided not to laugh instead smirking at him with amusement in her eyes asking "I knew it, who is he" knowing he probably meant her idiot brother standing ten feet away from them. Ian shifted in his seat not wanting to say hesitantly blurting out "just some guy from here" hoping Mandy bought his lie.

She didn't lightly kicking his shin with her foot replying "don't lie to me, he's not just some guy if you are acting like a bashful virgin you idiot" before laughing at him. Ian scoffed looking down at his hands resting on the bar top wishing he never said anything replying "I like him but I don't know if he likes me" sneaking a glance at Mickey who was at the other end of the bar serving a customer.

Mandy saw it and wanted to bang her brother and her friend's heads together for not seeing what was right in front of them when everyone in the room could see it. Mandy wanted to say trust me he likes you but knew Mickey would kill for saying it instead smirking at Ian asking "he get that look in his eye when he's with you" curiously. Ian frowned looked over at her asking "what look" not hiding the confusion from his voice.

Mandy slightly nodded her head replying "you'll know it when you see it" before drinking her bottle of beer sitting in front of her on the bar top. Ian lightly grunted thinking that got him nowhere realizing his break was over blurting out "got to get back to work" as he stood up from his seat. Mandy rolled her eyes at his defeated look grabbing his arm looking at him telling him "want my advice, just talk to the guy because it looks like he wont talk to you about it for the reasons that you wont" firmly knowing Mickey would never say anything to Ian.

Ian looked at her seeing her serious expression shook his head replying "yeah, thanks Mandy" firmly. Mandy smirked again replying "anytime" genuinely before Ian went back to work. As Mandy watched Ian and Mickey shove against each other and laughing with each other behind the bar Mandy shook her head in disbelief deciding she was going to go and mingle among the crowd at the bar.

* * *

 

A few days had passed and Ian never said anything to Mickey at all but he did notice things and it made him wonder if he and Mickey were really more than friends all along but they didn't know it yet. But Mickey had noticed something was up with Ian since they came home from the bar that night and he knew Mandy had said something to Ian because Ian was acting weird. Mickey was lying on his back on the sofa smoking some weed as the TV played in the background as Ian hadnt come back home yet from visiting Fiona.

He opted not to go with Ian because he knew the second Ian left the room Fiona would be grilling him for information on Ian and how he was doing with his disorder. He knew from what Ian told him that it was just Fiona's way of showing she cared but Mickey really hated that she thought he would betray Ian's trust so easily. He knew he could only put up with her questions for so long until he snapped at her so it was the reason he didnt go with Ian.

But he knew Ian didnt care at all because he understood what it was like and he also got pissed off with Fiona's questions. As his thoughts turned to Ian he couldnt stop the small smile on his face and he didnt even want to knowing there was no one in the room to see it. He sat up in his seat and reached over to the table beside the sofa and picked up the bottle of beer and took a drink from the bottle before putting it back on the table and lying back down on the sofa.

He smoked some more of the joint as he closed his eyes letting out a content sigh as the effects of the weed and beer made him relax. He realized he couldnt do this anymore with Ian because he needed to know and he needed to say what was on his mind even though every part of him told him it was a bad idea. But something over the last few days made him think it may not be such a bad idea at all.

He remembered telling Ian he loved him as he fell asleep the next morning and he had a feeling that Ian heard it but nothing between them had changed at all. If anything he noticed Ian was much more affectionate with him and that was when he knew Ian heard what he said that night. But now it was driving him crazy and he needed to know how Ian felt about him or how he felt about Ian and he suspected Ian knew just how he felt after the other night.

He was broken from his thoughts when he felt someone sit on top of him with a leg each side of him so he opened his eyes to see Ian looking down at him with a small smile on his face as he took the joint from Mickey's hand and smoked the last bit of it before leaning over to put it out on an empty plate sitting on the table. Mickey groaned in disgust muttering "we have to eat off that fucking plate asshole" lightly.

Ian rolled his eyes while moving to lie on top of Mickey resting on his forearms on each side of his head looking down at his friend replying "whatever" before laughing. Ian moved so he was lying between Mickey's legs not even noticing the hitch in Mickey's breath at the movement as Mickey rested his hands on Ian's hips enjoying the weight of Ian on top of him knowing he wasnt even mad at Ian at all.

Mickey ran his hand along Ian's ribs feeling himself sink back into the sofa wishing he could stay in this moment forever while he slid his other hand under Ian's tshirt to rub at the warm skin on his hips. He silently looked at Ian who was looking back at him while slightly biting his lip and Mickey felt his resistance to telling Ian how he felt crumble by the second.

Ian eyes flicked over Mickey's face and Ian knew he couldnt hide from his feelings anymore not with the way his friend was looking at him with nothing but want in his eyes and expression. Mickey moved his hand from under Ian's shirt and lightly gripped the back of his neck deciding fuck whatever happened because he was going for it as he leaned forward and kissed Ian on the lips.

He was surprised when Ian kissed him back deeply while wrapping his arms under his shoulders Mickey knew he made the right choice but he just wished he made it sooner. As Mickey felt Ian's hands wander all over him he slightly laughed realizing he was an idiot as they kissed on the sofa so Ian leaned back a little to look at him in amusement asking "what" lightly.

Mickey laughed rubbing his hands up Ian's back under his shirt replying "not a fucking thing so can we get on with it" humouredly. Ian grinned rolling his eyes before he kissed his friend again and so much more until they fell asleep hours later in Ian's bed naked wrapped up in each others arms both of them knowing that things were much different after tonight.

* * *

 

Mickey didnt know where he stood with Ian now that they had crossed the line of friendship into unfamiliar territory. On the bright side Ian hadnt backtracked since they started having sex with each other for the last few weeks. If anything it just made Ian want him all the time and while Mickey loved all the attention from the red head not that he would admit it but he just wondered where he stood because his insecurities were filling his head with nothing but doubts.

Doubts of that Ian would get sick of him eventually and would stop loving him or change his mind and decided they were better off as friends. Mickey sort of hated himself for taking the risk and making a move on Ian because it just made everything so much worse and he couldnt see how everything was so much better and that nothing had changed at all between them since that night. They still behaved the same way before that night only now they just couldnt keep their hands off of each other anymore.

He also hated that when he tried to talk to Ian the words would get stuck in his throat and fear would take over him which made him decided to say nothing as he didnt want to ruin things with Ian. He really wished he never kissed Ian and if he knew he would feel like this right now he would have left things as they were before that night he kissed Ian on the sofa.

He sort of blamed the weed and beer for giving him the courage to do it and he also blamed the way Ian would look at him like he was the only thing that mattered in his life. But when he thought over the last few weeks with Ian he knew he couldnt regret it because what he had with Ian now was so much more than before when they were just friends. It was everything he ever wanted and he was afraid he would lose it all because he thought he wasnt good enough for anyone especially Ian and he also didnt get good things in life.

He had been awake for a while as he lay there in his bed on his side staring at the wall with Ian right up against him from behind with his arms wrapped around him and Mickey felt Ian softly kiss the back of his neck letting him know he was awake. Mickey almost grinned to himself and when he felt Ian pull away he grabbed his arm before turning over to face Ian mumbling "dont leave" softly.

Ian rested his head on the pillow as he lightly kissed Mickey on the lips before looking at him blurting out "got to take my morning meds, I'll be back" softly. Ian noticed there was something wrong with Mickey but didnt know what it was, he just knew Mickey was worrying about something and he didnt know how to fix it either. Mickey swallowed the dryness out of his mouth hesitating as he rested his hand on Ian's ribs stumbling over the words to say before deciding on "okay" not adding just come back because I'm afraid you will leave for good.

Ian softly grinned before getting out the bed not noticing the turmoil going on in Mickey's head or his worried expression as he left the room to get some food to take with his meds. When Ian came back into the room with a plate of toast and his bottle of meds he got back into the bed and sat up straight resting the plate in his lap before taking out his dosage from the bottles.

Mickey sat upright as Ian mumbled "fucking hate this" icily. Mickey knew that was true as he wrapped his arm around Ian's shoulder pulling him in replying "I know you do so quit your bitching" firmly. Ian looked over scoffing "just fucking saying" lightly. Mickey rolled his eyes grabbing a slice of toast off the plate replying "you say it every fucking day or close to it" humouredly before eating his breakfast. Ian shrugged replying "whatever" knowing it was true as he took his meds and ate some toast.

They ate in silence and when the finished eating Ian leaned over to put the plate on the ground beside the bed before he lay back down in the bed facing Mickey. Mickey was already lying down facing Ian and pulled the covers over them up to their shoulders blurting out "but youre trying and thats what matters" firmly. Ian awkwardly shook his head moving closer to pull Mickey close to him and wrapped his arms around him replying "I know but just dont like it sometimes" softly.

Mickey knew that was true but didnt say anything more on it wrapping his arms around Ian and pulled himself closer to him even though there was no space left between them in the bed. Ian pushed himself closer even more wrapping his arms around Mickey letting his eyes close blurting out "I like this" not adding could get used to it too. Ian didnt know where he stood with Mickey but he was too afraid to say anything in case Mickey just told him he just wanted to be friends.

Ian knew it didnt make sense since they both admitted they loved each other but he just felt so insecure when it came to Mickey even though he knew Mickey didnt give a shit about his disorder. He knew the reason he hadnt brought up any discussion on their development to Mickey because he was afraid of rejection but he also knew Mickey probably wouldnt say anything at all.

Ian just closed his eyes as his body kept shaking due to the side effects of the meds so he pushed himself closer to Mickey tangling their legs together as he felt the nausea in his stomach and hoped it would go away quickly. He let out a sigh of content when Mickey just hugged him tighter to him rubbing his fingers along his spine and softly kissed his forehead like he always did every time Ian took his meds.

Ian was just glad of the comfort and he didnt want anything to change between them which was why he decided to keep quiet and let Mickey talk when he was ready to talk. Ian just got lost in his own thoughts wondering why Mickey would put up with all of this but he knew his friend well enough to know that Mickey didnt do stuff he didnt want to do. He knew if Mickey didnt want to be here right now comforting him through the medications side effects then he wouldnt be and it made him wonder what he would do if he lost all of this with Mickey.

He hated that his brain went to that place and that it envoked his fear of ending up alone because of his disorder which he never asked to have in the first place. He also knew that Mickey had been there since the early days of his disorder and had seen him at his worst when he was lost in mania or in a depressed spiral and not able to able to get out of bed for days.

He knew Mickey was the only person he tolerated in those days when he was in denial about his disorder and gradually came to accept he had bipolar disorder. During his first monthly stay in a psychiatric hospital Mickey visited him everyday and when he left the hospital he stayed with Mickey whenever Terry was in jail. Ian really hated staying with his family at the time and he hated it even more that he couldnt stay with Mickey because Terry wasnt in jail.

But that didnt stop Mickey from staying over in Ian's house and sleeping in the same bed with him because he knew that Ian needed him a lot and out of that Mickey ended up being Ian's support system. During one of those nights when they were lying in bed together Ian asked Mickey if he could put his name down as the person to call if Ian needed help and Mickey immediately said yes without hesitation and had been that way ever since that night all those years ago.

When Terry got himself killed in prison they both moved up here into their own apartment and Ian never regretted it at all because he felt like had someone on his side that understood him in a lot of ways. Ian thought that if anything came out of the whole thing over the last few years was that Mickey made him feel normal which was something his family could never make him feel despite their attempts but they just kept getting it wrong.

Ian knew that it wasn't their fault because all they had as a reference was Monica and Ian hated that his attempts to explain things to them fell on deaf ears and he knew he would never change their minds and all they would ever see was Monica. He also knew that they cared but he just wished they werent so scared for him, werent scared that he would lose his shit any day now and do a Monica.

Ian knew he was stable and wanted to be too but he refused to live in fear of his disorder because it didnt define him and he had control of it and it was part of him and he had learned to accept that ages ago. He wasnt going to live his life in fear of his disorder anymore and he wished he family would realize that too. He wished they would realize and believe him when he told them there is life outside of being bipolar.

Ian had job he loved, had friends at the bar and a great relationship with his best friend and he wouldnt change it for anything except the bipolar. Ian was broken from his thoughts when he felt Mickey wrap his arms around his lower back pulling them right up against each other as he kissed him while pushing his leg in between Ian's wanting to start things up between them now that the side effects of Ian's meds had passed.

Ian kissed him back deeply as he tightly hugged Mickey to him until he was out of breath and blurted out "what was that for" as he looked at Mickey. Mickey smirked looking back at him lightly running his hand across the back of Ian's hair replying "you were thinking too much" not adding I was talking to you and you werent listening. Ian took a deep breath silently looking at Mickey as he trailed his fingers along his spine blurting out "I love you" not adding I dont know what I'd do if I didnt have you in my life.

Mickey bit his lip to stop himself from grinning replying "yeah love you too" not able to look away from Ian. He couldnt stop himself blurting out curiously "are we boyfriends now" softly internally kicking himself for saying those words when he wasnt ready but it was too late now.

Ian grinned squeezing his boyfriend tighter while looking at him replying "yeah we are" knowing he wasnt lying. Mickey grinned looking downwards while feeling warmth radiate through him before hesitating blurting out "good" feeling relieved that he got the answer he wanted for so long. Mickey didnt really know what took him so long to ask Ian that question but he was glad he did and figured it was better late than never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unless something comes to mind for another chapter this is the final instalment of this story. I am trying to finish it off with an epilogue to tie it all together and it give it a good ending but I am struggling writing it and I don't want to put up a half assed chapter. So if I get it written I get it written but the update may not be as quick as they normally are and it could take a while too which I hate and its why I am saying that the story is finished for now where it is.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it and thanks for reading.


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